Toilet learning

A child-centred approach to toilet learning

Toilet learning (often called potty training) can be a big milestone for both children and parents, and when approached with a child-centred philosophy, it focuses on respecting the child's readiness, comfort, and emotional needs. Rather than using rigid timelines or pressure, a child-centred approach emphasizes a supportive, patient, and individualized process that allows children to learn at their own pace.

1. Introduce the idea of toileting early

• Encourage curiosity and exploration. Toilet learning begins at home. You can show children the toilet and have conversations about toileting early on, so children are familiar with the idea. For example: “Look here is the toilet. It’s where big boys and girls do their wees and poos. Do you want to try the flush? It makes a big noise doesn’t it! The toilet paper is for wiping your bottom after you go to the toilet, would you like to rip a piece of toilet paper off?”

• Model the behaviour: Children learn a lot by watching others. If appropriate, allow your child to see family members use the toilet. This can help demystify the process and create a sense of normalcy around using the toilet. You can teach handwashing after toileting.

• Offer gentle encouragement: Encourage them when they show interest in using the toilet but also respect their boundaries. Don’t force them to use the toilet if they’re not ready or interested but provide plenty of positive reinforcement when they do.

2. Look for Signs of Readiness

• Emotional and Physical Readiness: Children show signs when they’re ready to begin toilet learning. These might include staying dry for longer periods, showing interest in adult bathroom habits, or expressing discomfort with dirty nappies. It’s important to pay attention to these cues and avoid starting before your child shows genuine interest and readiness.

3. Follow Your Child’s Lead

• Respect their pace: Some children may want to try toilet learning earlier, while others may take longer. Let your child lead the process without rushing or pushing them to meet a deadline.

• Every child is different: It's natural to wonder if your child is "on track" with their peers. Avoid comparing your child’s toilet learning journey to other children’s. Focus on your child’s individual needs and progress. You can speak to your GP, Plunket nurse or teacher if you have questions or concerns about your child’s toilet learning.

4. Create Positive Associations

• Make it fun: Toilet learning should be a positive experience. Use fun and engaging methods to teach your child. Introduce toilet learning books and songs, pretend their toy is going to go to the toilet. You could try a fun reward (a stamp or sticker) or put a fun poster on the wall in the toilet area.

• Celebrate small victories: Praise all efforts, even if they’re small. Whether it’s sitting on the potty or staying dry for part of the day, positive reinforcement boosts your child’s confidence and reinforces the idea that using the toilet is something to be proud of.

5. Be Patient and Supportive

• Accidents happen: Remember that accidents are part of the process. Rather than reacting with frustration, be patient and comforting. Never punish your child for accidents or refusal to use the toilet. Punishment can lead to shame and confusion around toilet learning. Reassure your child that mistakes are okay and they can try again next time.

• Stay calm during setbacks: If there are setbacks, like your child suddenly refusing to use the toilet or having frequent accidents, avoid pressure or punishment. Offer gentle encouragement and remind your child that learning takes time. It is ok to have a break from the toilet learning process and try again later.

• Regression is normal: It’s common for children to regress after periods of success, especially during transitions like moving to a new home, the arrival of a sibling, or starting preschool. Stay patient and calm, and remind your child that setbacks are normal and part of learning.

6. Consistency and Routine

• Consistency without rigidity: While it’s important to be consistent in offering opportunities for toilet learning (e.g., prompting them to use the toilet after meals or before bed), be flexible in your approach. The goal is to create a routine that works without making it feel like a constant battle. Routines work best if they can be relatively consistent between home and the centre.

7. Provide the Right Tools

• Toileting options: You could offer choices about what type of toilet your child prefers. Some children prefer to start with a potty, while others want to use the regular toilet with a child-sized toilet seat and step stool. Giving your child some control over the tools they use can increase their sense of independence and comfort.

• Comfortable clothing: Ensure your child wears clothing that’s easy for them to manage independently. Pants with elastic waistbands are often easier for young children to pull down and up on their own. If children are in underwear or pull-ups, make sure they are loose enough to get up and down easily – this might mean going up a size than they usually wear.

• Changes of clothes: Children will need lots of spare clothing options when they are toilet learning. Many pairs of underwear or pull-ups per day, lots of easy-to-use pants, shorts and skirts and even a few changes of t-shirts. Toilet learning can be a messy business and ensuring there are lots of changes of clothes takes the stress off you and your child when they have a toileting accident.

8. Toilet learning is a process

Toilet learning is a process, not an event. Some children may take a few weeks, while others may need much longer. A child centred approach to toilet learning will support your child to learn at their own pace, using developmentally appropriate strategies.

9. Staying dry overnight

There is a difference in toileting learning during the day and sleeping through the night dry.

• Night time bladder control takes longer to develop: It takes a lot more time for the brain and bladder to establish the connection that allows the child to wake up when they need to go to the toilet. Many young children sleep deeply at night, which makes it difficult for them to wake up to the sensation of a full bladder.

You can help support dry nights:

• Consistent Routine: Establish a bedtime routine that includes using the toilet before going to sleep, which can help encourage dry nights.

• Nightlight and Easy Access: Make it easier for your child to go to the bathroom if they wake up needing to toilet during the night. Have a nightlight to light the way to the toilet. Make sure they can get in and out of bed easily.

• Have the right tools: Protective measures like nappy pants or a mattress protector can help manage accidents overnight. You can use protective sheets like a Brolly Sheet and have plenty of sheets, bedding and pyjamas for frequent changes.

• Remember to be patient: Overnight toilet learning can cause disrupted sleep for parents and children. Stay patient and remember it is a process that takes time but won’t last forever.

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See our handout The science of Toilet learning

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For further information and support about Toilet Learning see:

https://wellingtonchildcare.com/toilet-learning/

https://www.plunket.org.nz/caring-for-your-child/hygiene-and-daily-care/poos-nappies-and-

toilet/toilet-training-your-child/#toilet-training-tips

https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/toilet-training